Let Kids Be Kids pt.2

A teacher’s take on letting kids play…

“Play is what children do, when afforded the independence, opportunity, time and space to determine their own behaviour.” (Play For Life)

I almost called this post “A teacher’s take our ‘nanny society’, and why we seem so bent on destroying childhoods”, but then I thought it sounded too ‘preachy’. Anyway…

Everyone loves to reminisce on their time spent as a kid, riding bikes around the suburbs, playing impromptu sport championships in the streets, daydream of building an insanely cool tree-house and having a good hard crack at turning that dream into a reality, failing miserably but still loving it, having hobbies that we chose for ourselves, coming home after dark and fearing the wrath of your parents, making friends with anyone and everyone, always being able to find something to do on the weekend; loving every second of our freedom!

Let’s fast forward 20 years and see our current kids reflect on, um, rushing home from school and sitting on the couch and swiping away at their iPhones. We can’t blame them, though. Afterall, who is it that buys them their gadgets, restricts their freedom, schedules their lives to the minute, chooses their hobbies for them, ‘nanny’ them, ‘helicopter’? I’ve blogged previously about helicopter parenting and taking away freedom with over-scheduling, but what about taking away play?

Play is actually disappearing at a horrifying rate from childrens’ lives. Just think geographically for a moment. 40 years ago, children would stray far and wide from their home. Go to the beach or to a movie with a few friends and shock horror, no adults. Miles from home, building and crashing billy-carts and getting up to who-knows-what. 20 years ago, kids couldn’t get away with quite so much mischief, but could still hop on their bikes and feel free and safe to roam their local streets, meet up with pals and make sure they we home by dark. Now many children would not even be allowed outside of their own fence without their parent! Parents of young children, would you allow you child to get away with the far-reaching play that you spent your childhood doing? Certainly, you wouldn’t let them get up to the kind of play that your parents got up to. Gee, now that would just be downright bonkers, right? But honestly, why not?

The reduced role of play in childhoods is becoming such as epidemic in today’s nanny society that organisitions such as Play For Life are trying to actively get kids playing again. You know, real playing!  Using their imaginations, innovating, designing and making, cooperative play, socialising, experimenting and making mistakes, creating, physical play, outdoors play – the kind of play that is essential to learning.

As adults, what can we do?

We can provide children with the time to play. That is, don’t over-schedule kids. Even allow them to get bored as that will force them to truly direct their own play.
We can provide children with the space and freedom to play. Obviously this is dependent on where you live and safety must be a priority, but maybe we could loosen the harness.
We can provide children with the resources to play. For example, construction materials, balls, scooters, sketch pads, rather than iPhones or DVDs.
Leave the rest to them! Don’t assume we know what’s best. Let children make friends with the kids that they want and play the games that they want.
At the school I teach at, children aren’t allowed to bring swap cards to school in case they get upset over a ‘bad swap’. In other words, the kids aren’t resilient and we’re not doing them any favours by pandering to them. Kids aren’t allowed to play with sticks in case they use them as a weapon. In other words, the kids aren’t accustomed to physical play, but instead of teaching them how to play, we’re banning them from any rough-and-tumble in case someone gets hurt. No running is allowed on the quad in case someone falls over and scrapes their knees on the bitumen. In other words, we’re wrapping them in cotton wool instead of allowing them to discover their own limits. Yes, the list of things that children are allowed to do is getting smaller and in doing that, we’re taking away vital opportunities for them to learn, grow, be happy and make memories.

Let’s see non-adult-directed play re-enter childrens’ lives. Let’s give children the time, space, freedom and resources to play.

Still not convinced?  >>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt7DoWmahu0 <<< (Language warning!)

Teachling <Wordpress> <Tumblr>

Do Primary Schools Do It Better?

A teacher’s take on positive teacher-student relationships…

Not many teachers (or students!) would argue against a happy classroom. A learning environment in which students are engaged and feel supported. A positive environment that leads to higher academic achievement. A friendly classroom. Quality student-teacher relationships that improve not only learning, but the whole education experience.

So, after reading Kath Murdoch’s post “Do you know me well enough to teach me?” I had the thought, perhaps Primary Schools do the whole ‘relationships thing’ better than High Schools do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticising High School teachers; actually I think there might be a few things that stop them from developing the same quality, positive relationships with their students as their Primary counterparts…

 1.       Not enough contact time… Aka. “I only see them a few times a week!”Primary School teachers see their students almost all day, every day. Primary School teachers have all the time in the world to ‘start the year slowly’. We could give up a whole month to building relationships, developing a class culture, developing norms and protocols and getting to know our students. Some High School teachers might see their students for just a couple of hours a week. When, then, is all this ‘relationship building’ supposed to occur? Besides, wouldn’t a teenager’s parents be outraged if they found out their child has spent all that time on the warm and fuzzies, rather than actual learning?! Also, we can’t forget the fact that High School teachers have many students in many classes, whereas the average Primary teacher has just 25.

 2.        The importance of relationships is taken for granted… Aka. “They’re teenagers. They shouldn’t need that warm and fuzzy crap!”This follows on from point 1 I suppose. By the time kids are High School students, the onus is placed firmly on them to be engaged with their learning, their peers, their teachers. When kids are little we actually teach them explicitly how to make friends and teachers spend an awful lot of time getting to know each child personally, as people, not just learners. We do this so that we’re invested in their development and that they know this. We do this so that we can personalise the learning experience for them. Teenagers should just got on with their work, shouldn’t they?

 3.       The students are over it… Aka. “Teenagers hate everyone and everything!”Yep, teenagers are surly zombies! The only thing they like about school is their friends, if they’re lucky enough o have some. They hate learning. They hate homework. They hate adults -  their teachers and heck, they hate their parents most of all! How on Earth is some daggy teacher meant to get through to these grumpy beings?

 4.       Teachers aren’t there to be their students’ best friend… Aka. “I need to maintain the power”
We all experienced a Miss Trunchbull-type teacher at some time during our own schooling. There’s a growing body of research that says the way to get through to students is through building positive relationships, featuring a few key ingredients. Care. Warmth. Empathy. Respect. Trust. This is at loggerheads with the traditional description of a teacher. Dare I say, if a teacher has quality relationships with their students comprising such ingredients, it does away with the need for ‘power’.

Anyway, High School teachers, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Like I said, it certainly isn’t an attack. What barriers stand in your way, building relationships with your students? If you’ve broken the mould and do have great relationships with your students, how have you done it?

There’s a whole lot of articles, blog posts and research to read on the topic of Teacher-Student Relationships. Click here, here, here, here, here or here to read more!

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More on ‘relationships’ from Teachling: A teacher’s take on parent-teacher relationships…
A teacher’s take on respecting teachers, pt2…
A teacher’s take on respecting teachers, pt1…
A teacher’s take on earning respect from students… 

More Worthless Than a White Crayon

A teacher’s take on student reports… and why they are a waste of my time!

So, I’m here at my laptop (sitting on my bed with coffee and Oreos on my bedside table), hammering away at my keyboard at a million keystrokes-per-minute, trying to make a dent in my students’ end-of-year reports. I suspect all Australian teachers are busy doing much the same this weekend, and last weekend, and next weekend, and after school most nights for the next couple of weeks! I’m taking a quick break to punch out this post, wondering why the heck am I wasting soooooo much time on these worthless things?

 
Let me give just 3 reasons why they a waste of my time, and need I say more.

      1)      Student reports do not improve student learning

This one is obvious, is it not? Are there any parents out there who would actually say, “I get a report from my child’s teacher twice a year, and that piece of paper helps my child learn and achieve more!” Of course not, but let me cite some research just to come off more professional. If you haven’t heard of New Zealander (now living in Melbourne) John Hattie or heard of his work on “effect sizes” I urge you to look him up. Long story short, I don’t see reports anywhere on his list of factors which improve student learning outcomes. A few factors are sort of related, such as “Student Self-Reported Grades” which states that a student’s expectations of their own learning and the push for them to exceed those expectations improves their learning, “Formative Evaluation” which basically refers to the assessment used to inform teaching and learning, and “Feedback” information for teacher and more importantly,the student, on where they’re going, how they’re going and where to next*. Note that this last factor does not mean feedback given to a parent about what their kid has done at school for the last six months!

2)      Student reports take a teacher's time away from the things that matter

Consider the point above, now consider how much time teachers spend writing reports. Let’s conservatively say the average Primary School teacher spends an hour per child on their report, twice a year, with an average class size of 25. Now consider how those 50 hours could have been better spent planning teaching and developing brilliant learning experiences for their students, collecting resources, researching curriculum and pedagogy and so on. Just think of what a teacher could do to improve their pupils’ learning outcomes, if those 50 hours were returned to them!

 

3)      Student reports need to be so politically correct and full of jargon that parents can barely decipher what their child can actually do

Aside from the fact that any good parent already knows their child – duh – and is very likely to know their child better than their teacher anyway – duh – I don’t believe that reports accurately convey information about a child’s learning. At my school, for example, we are not allowed to say that a child “can” do something or “is able to” to do something - what the? We can’t say that a child “needs to” improve in a certain area, rather we have to say that their “future learning may be to…”. We can’t make subjective comments or say anything about their personality or personal attributes. Comments now need to be objective, specific, measurable and data-backed. Boring. PC. Useless.

Teachling <Wordpress> <Tumblr>

*Some of Hattie’s work:

Hattie, J. 2009. Visible learning: A synthesis of over 800 meta-analyses relating to achievement.
Hattie, J. 2003. Who says formative assessment matters: Formative and summative interpretations of assessment information.
Hattie, J. 2003. Distinguishing expert teachers from novice and experienced teachers: Teachers make a difference.

Image source: http://kidtimes.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/school-report-cards.jpg

 

 

 

Let Kids Be Kids

A teacher’s take on homework…

Hands up if you loved doing homework when you were a kid… Nobody? Fair enough. Homework stinks, but it is so cemented in our idea of what children do that it seems to be here to stay. Somewhere, many years ago, some absolute liar spread the rumour that getting kids to do uninspiring worksheets on their own time, will improve their learning. Let me present some reasons why homework should be outlawed.

Firstly, kids these days are constantly busy, moving from one organised activity or event to the next and their days are planned to the minute. Take a class of 20 five-year-olds that I surveyed. Every single one of them stated that they partake in some form of ‘organised’ activity outside of school weekly, on a school day (ie. After school, Monday-Friday). 17/20 students participate in an organised sport weekly, outside of school on a school day (eg. basketball, football, swimming). Half of the students said they engaged in more than one organised activity weekly, outside of school on a school day (eg. Some combinations of instrumental music lessons, dance classes, tutoring, sport, art classes). Remember, THESE KIDS ARE FIVE!

Not only do we then deal with the obvious stress and exhaustion for coping at such a young age, with such busy schedules, but we’re forgetting a key point – letting kids be kids. A typical day might go something like 7am wake up, breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, 8am-4pm school, 4pm home, afternoon tea, 4:30 swimming lesson, 5:30 dinner, 6pm homework, 7pm shower, 7:30 bed. I reiterate… This is a five-year-old’s schedule, so imagine what that of an eight-year-old or 14-year-old might look like.

Kids need time for playing with friends, and just as important is having time to play alone and be creative and use their imaginations. And what about some downtime to perhaps relax and watch some TV or do a drawing? We can’t forget that homework actually puts pressure on parents too, that are trying to juggle assisting their child with their homework (alongside everything else the child is doing), plus worrying about their own lives, jobs, finances, cooking dinner, keeping a tidy home, operating their chauffeur service and so on!
So, how can anything that makes children anxious, takes away the opportunities for them to experience regular ‘kid stuff’, all while giving them a negative experience of learning ever be considered a good thing? Oh, and here’s the kicker – teachers hate homework too because it takes an awful lot of our time away from doing things that actually improve student learning such as planning lessons, giving students feedback on their learning and actually teaching!

When done properly, I will admit that homework can be a valuable experience and create links between home and school whilst reinforcing and extending the child’s learning experiences. Homework can foster lifelong learning and study habits, responsibility for one’s own learning and develop organisation and time management skills.

Homework must be balanced with the range of home obligations, out of school recreational and social activity, cultural and family events and so on. Kids already spend most of their waking hours doing school work and much of the rest of their time is already planned. Homework becomes a chore, the dreaded elephant in the room and leads to stress, exhaustion and most negatively, it makes children hate learning and hate school. Parents always seem to think there is either too much homework or not enough and teachers can never please anyone. So what do we do about it? Don’t ask me. You didn’t expect me of offer solutions did you… I just felt like airing my grievance!

So, what do YOU think of the dreaded H-word?
 
Teachling <Wordpress> <Tumblr>

 More from Teachling:An Australian teacher's take on America's Common Core...
A teacher's take on positive thoughts and how kids let negative thoughts consume them...
A teacher's take on independence and helicopter parents...

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Common Core For Dummies

An Australian teacher’s take on America’s Common Core State Standards…

I’ll start by saying I know nothing about the Common Core State Initiative, other than the often negative posts I read whilst blog-browsing (Read some heartfelt anti-Common Core posts here, here and here). So, here’s what little ol’ me down here in Australia has figured out so far…

What is the ‘Common Core’?
Most USA states have adopted the Common Core Standards which are purported to prepare students for their future – college and career. It has set new assessment benchmarks and specifies what children are expected to know and what skills they should master by the end of each year. Am I right so far?

Well there’s obviously been a great deal of backlash over the Standards and I’m in the process of figuring out why. I had a click around the Common Core website and it actually very much reminded me of Australia’s new National Curriculum. So, I’m clicking around thinking this aint so bad. In fact, I found the ‘anchor standards’ quite interesting and there isn’t anything too wrong with hoping for a consistent education for a country’s children, is there? So what’s the issue?

 

 

What’s the problem?
Could it be that, like most things to do with education at a political level, it has been written by businessmen, and politicians with no real grasp on the purpose of education, let alone what actually goes on at a classroom level? Is there an underlying issue that it has been developed to make money for the private sector, such as text book publishers, education business and so on? That doesn’t seem like enough to get so many American educators so furious. After all, sadly for education, that will always be a problem, until governments set their egos aside and allow teachers, parents and students to write the curriculum!

 

Is it the tests?
In Australia, we have so-called NAPLAN tests which students take every two years. These tests do virtually nothing to improve their learning, particularly as they are so infrequent and it takes many months for them to receive their scores after each test. Oddly, one of the primary uses of the NAPLAN data is to compare schools against other schools. Again, what does this do to improve student learning – and let’s not forget that that’s the whole reason we do this thing called education!? From what I’ve read it seems like one of the foundations of the Common Core is the rigorous testing schedule. Exactly how often kids are made to sit tests I’m not sure, but from my experience, biennial NAPLAN tests are more than often enough! Any American teacher reading this, exactly how often are your students expected to sit standardised tests? Standardised tests lead to stressed and depressed students as well as teachers. The whole ‘game’ of learning becomes about the test score. Teachers end up ‘teaching to the test’ in an effort to raise grades. Tests do little if anything to improve student learning and some say the assigning of grades actually damages learning.

 

Is it ruining education?
Aside from the fact that in most countries, standards are developed by people and companies that know little about education, and the downsides of tests, what other issues are there? Standards that are too rigid leave little room for creativity and teaching off-the-cuff or based on students’ passions, interests and most importantly, their learning needs. I’ve heard that the Common Core sets the standards, but it’s up to each state to develop their own curricula based on the standards, but I don’t know how that works in practice? Does the Common Core leave room for differentiating, or teaching students at their point of need, or is it the case that all year 4 students will learn the year 4 standards regardless of whether they should actually be learning year 3 standards or extended to year 5 or beyond? Is it a one-size-fits-all approach? Finally, do the standards focus on skills, understandings, applications, etc, or is it about rote learning?

 

So, I guess the question remains… will the Common Core improve learning for all American students?

 

Like I said, I don’t know much about these much-talked-about standards, so maybe some fellow bloggers can enlighten me, and as always, share their 2 cents!

 

-  Teachling

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More from Teachling:

A teacher's take on "How Children Learn"...

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Parent-Teacher Relationships: From respectful, to indifferent, to just plain rude!

A teacher’s take on parent-teacher relationships…

Parents, who do you have a better relationship with – your hairdresser or your child’s teacher? The profound and lasting impact that a positive, respectful parent-teacher relationship has on a child’s learning and determining their life-chances, is often rarely realised.

A teacher’s life is dedicated to facilitating a supportive, positive environment in which all children can be challenged to achieve their best in all areas of social, emotional, physical, behavioural and cognitive learning. Too many parents are at best indifferent toward their child’s teacher, and in some cases are just plain disrespectful, untrusting and rude (I’d guess that all teachers have had to deal with, as a minimum, some form of verbal abuse from parents at some stage of their career).
My last three posts have all explored the idea of respect for teachers – the importance of students respecting their teachers and the lack for respect for teachers from society in general. I’ve missed a major stake-holder in the education business, so I’ll use this post to address them… parents! How well do you know your child’s teacher? Do you respect them? Do you trust them? How often do you communicate with them positively?       
               
Read this popular Ron Clark CNN article (plus a follow-up article here). The open letter to parents called for parents to “be a partner instead of a prosecutor” and to “have our backs, and we need you to give us the respect we deserve”. “We know you love your children. We love them, too”.
Alternatively, if you want to read a colourful rebuttal, read this Laurie A. Couture post which includes claims that “Teachers routinely inflict an environment of chronic physical and emotional distress on children” and that school children are held as “hostages, against their wills” by “factory-like” schools that force “the population to deny the self, homogenize, obey and consume… ignor[ing] their bodies, emotions, passions, interests, questions, ideas, creative impulses, purposes and needs”.

Yikes! All I can say is for the sake of teachers everywhere, I’m glad Couture’s son is, as she terms it, “unschooled” because imagine if she was a parent of one of your pupils. Perhaps parents need reminding that a teacher’s priority is to do what’s in the best interests of the child. We’re not the bad guys we’re sometimes made out to be. We’re not in it for the holidays, as some people believe. We’re obviously not in it for the money. We’re teachers because we care about children. Surely that’s worth some respect?

-  Teachling < Wordpress> <Tumblr>

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The ‘respect’ series from Teachling:A teacher's take on respecting teachers, pt2...
A teacher's take on respecting teachers, pt1...
A teacher's take on earning respect from students...

Just A Lowly Teacher

A teacher’s take on respecting teachers, pt.2…

So, when I was starting out at uni I thought I was entering a highly respected and noble field. Now, I feel as though society barely views teaching as a ‘profession’. My nephew is currently finishing high school and when telling his Dad (my brother) that he wanted to study Education, his Dad said, “Why would you want to be just a lowly teacher?”

Here I am wondering if society respects my work; If my own family doesn’t, what hope do I have that the rest of the world does?

(Image source, link)

Well, I’m clearly biased, but I believe that teachers can change the world. We shape lives and make a goddamn difference.  Teaching is a profession.

We hear criticisms of education systems and educations in the media constantly, and closer to home, the contempt with which some (certainly not all) of my student’s parents interact with me always astounds me. Shockingly though, it doesn’t upset me, because teachers have come to accept that there are many people in this world that do not treat us the honour, respect or dignity that we deserve.

-TeachlingTeachling’s Wordpress, Teachling's Tumblr

More on this from Teachling:

A teacher's take on respecting teacher, pt1...
A teacher's take on earning respect from students...
More about respecting teachers:
What Teachers Make (Taylor Mali, TED Talk)
Supporting Our Teachers (Government of South Australia)
Do Teachers Get Enough Respect From Society? (voxxi.com)
Why Do Some Countries Respect Their Teachers More Than Others? (theguardian.com)
No Society Can Succeed Without Respecting Teachers (thefrontierpost.com)

Teachers Make A Goddamn Difference

A teacher’s take on respecting teachers, pt.1…

So, during my usual TED Talk browsing (if you don’t know what a TED Talk is, look it up and prepare to lose lots of time, but expand your mind more than you ever thought possible!), I came across this poem titled “What do teachers make?” by Taylor Mali.

I wonder; How do you think society views teachers? On par with doctors? Lawyers? Librarians? Baby-sitters? Burger-flippers? Criminals? Homeless? Check-out chicks? Politicians?

Teachers got a very good wrap on World Teachers Day, October 5, in Australia when The Project hosts visited their own past teachers and Charlie Pickering stated, “Teachers are the most important people in our society”.

Thanks Taylor and Charlie, for sticking up for us.

-Teachling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Image source link)  

Read more about respecting teachers:
What Teachers Make (Taylor Mali, TED Talk)
Supporting Our Teachers (Government of South Australia)
Do Teachers Get Enough Respect From Society? (voxxi.com)
Why Do Some Countries Respect Their Teachers More Than Others? (theguardian.com)
No Society Can Succeed Without Respecting Teachers (thefrontierpost.com)

More from Teachling:

A teacher's take on earning respect from students...
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Teachling’s Wordpress, Teachling's Tumblr

What do kids think of me?

A teacher’s take on earning respect from students…
Be warm. Care. Laugh. Be human.
Loosen the reigns, but don’t lose control.

I’m not interested in whether my students want to be my besties. I don’t care if they think I’m cool (which is lucky because I just ooze daggy!). I don’t care if they ‘like’ me, but I do care whether or not they respect me.

Great relationship + High expectations = Respect.
At least, that’s what I believe… Relationships need to be positive and productive, built on trust and mutual goals. ‘Expectations’ refers to a demand for excellence. All students can learn and it’s a teacher’s role to help kids achieve their potential.

Great relationship + Lack of expectations = Friend, not a teacher.
Lack of relationship + High Expectations = 1950’s teacher (good luck in the 21^st century!)
Lack of relationship + Lack of expectations = Indifference (why bother being a teacher)

To me, teachers need to actively build positive and productive relationships with their students, whilst also having the highest expectations for learning. I believe that it’s possible, for you to have excellent working relationships with your students, but that does not mean a teacher needs to compromise on their expectations for learning. In fact, surely the higher the quality of the student-teacher relationships, the higher the quality of the learning environment, the higher the quality of the learning.

If you’re a teacher, do you think your students respect you? Do you think it matters? Have you earned it?

If you’re a parent, do your children respect their teacher? Does it matter? Do you respect their teacher?

As a starting point, this post lists 10 key ways to build a respectful relationship with students [http://whatedsaid.wordpress.com/2010/08/28/10-ways-to-get-your-students-respect/]. I’ve come across a few other pieces recently that talk about student respect for teachers, such as this article comparing respect levels for teachers in countries around the world [http://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/teacher-blog/2013/oct/03/teachers-rated-worldwide-global-survey], or this article which speaks the truth about teachers nowadays needing to ‘earn’ respect, unlike years gone by [http://www.educationworld.com/a_curr/columnists/martin/martin011.shtml], or this blog entry which begins, “Dear students, Your teachers are not out to get you, I promise…” [http://itsssnix.tumblr.com/post/62952676811/dear-students].

-  Teachling

 Image source: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2010/232/4/3/My_Crazy_Class_XD_by_3Peoples.png

More from Teachling:

A teacher's take on positive thoughts and how kids let negative thoughts consume them...
A teacher's take on independence and helicopter parents...
A teacher's take on the jargon of explicit teaching...
A teacher's take on "How Children Learn"...
A teacher's take on self-help and parenting advice...
A teacher's take on blogs...
 
Access Teachling:
Teachling’s Wordpress, Teachling’s Blog.com, Teachling’s Blogspot, Teachling's Tumblr

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It was just 5 minutes out of 390!

A teacher’s take on positive thoughts… 

and how kids let negative thoughts consume them!

(Image Copyright Link)

Don’t kids usually believe what we tell them? So, if you tell them that they had a terrible day at school, did boring work, weren't allowed to be creative, were bullied or teased in the playground and got yelled at by their teacher, they’ll probably agree, wouldn't they? If you tell them that their day was amazing, full of fun, great times playing with great friends and learnt cool new things, they’ll probably agree with that too, wouldn't they?

I’m having this wondering following a conversation I had with a parent this week. Lucy's* mother came into my office before school to tell me all about an ‘incident’ that happened at lunch time the day before. Long story short, her 6 year old daughter felt excluded from a game some of her friends were playing. Alarm bells rang in my head when the mother next told me, “We talked about it for half an hour… So that I could find out exactly what happened, if it’s happened in the past and what the other girls did and said…”

My reflex (and I’m glad I asked) was “Did Lucy tell you anything else about school yesterday?” “No”, said the mother.

You mean to tell me, that Lucy was at school for 6 ½ hours yesterday, and the only thing she told you about was the 5 minutes in which she felt unhappy... And you indulged her?

She was at school for 390 minutes; 385 were positive, 5 were not. And you spent half an hour talking about those 5 minutes?

Simple Math would tell me that by talking about 5 negative minutes for half an hour after school, that you then also spent 39 hours talking about the 385 minutes of positive experiences she had? No? Wait, you spent NO time talking about the positive aspects of her day?

It was just 5 minutes out of 390, and we've allowed that minor incident consume Lucy's thoughts?

Well, of course I didn’t actually SAY any of that, but I was certainly wishing I could have. Of course Lucy's mother and I then spent 15 minutes talking about the incident; her telling me every detail 3rd hand. We discussed the usual where we can go from here, how we can work together to make sure Lucy has a positive lunch experience, etc. Apparently being excluded from the game had completely turned Lucy off school and she didn't even want to come in today. I wonder why? Let's not forget that Lucy has been sent the message that if just 5 minutes out of 390 are negative, then that's what we focus on.

Sadly, now the 5 minute incident has been given 30 minutes of air time at home and an extra 20 in my office, and still those other positive 385 minutes have received no mention. I wonder, as the parent in the situation, how might Lucy's mother have approached this whole situation differently? When her daughter got home and inevitably told her about the lunch time incident, could the mother simply have said something along the lines of, “Oh well, these things happen, but next time you might try ___. Now, most importantly, tell me about your FAVOURITE part of the day!” Might this have totally changed Lucy's perspective?

Here's a Teachling Tip - Kids will inevitably tell you first, about the part of their day that they didn’t enjoy. This is because they are still developing their 'emotional filters'. They let negative thoughts consume them. The way adults respond can make all the difference. Next time your child tells you about a negative incident that happened to them, will you indulge them, or redirect their thoughts to the positive? Remember than the incident was probably just 5 minutes out of 390... It seems silly to pay too much attention to the negative.

-       Teachling

More from Teachling:

A teacher's take on independence and helicopter parents...

A teacher's take on the jargon of explicit teaching...

A teacher's take on "How Children Learn"...

A teacher's take on self-help and parenting advice...

A teacher's take on blogs...

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Helicopter Parents... More Harm Than Good?

A teacher’s take on independence…

So, Destiny’s Child would lead you to believe that if one buys her own diamonds and her own rings, then she is an independent woman. Does that 13 year old (yikes!) song define independence… someone who is self-supporting or self-reliant?

Clearly, parenting styles have changed and with any change there’s also bound to be side effects. Is so-called ‘over parenting’ leading to a cohort of children that cannot do anything for themselves and in turn actually expect everything to be done for them? Make my breakfast, tidy my bedroom, defend me when my teacher says I’ve done the wrong thing, let me do whatever I want with discipline, fix all of my problems for me… A post from a fellow blogger (http://runningawayfrom49.wordpress.com/2013/09/02/another-great-thing-about-the-1980s/) got me thinking about independence and the important learning curve that MUST take place for children on their journey toward it, and the potentially detrimental effects, perfectly well-meaning [helicopter] parents are having on their children. I’m talking here about a small percentage of parents.

As a teacher I’ve come across a plethora of parents that are always there to step in when things for their child aren’t quite going to plan. Maybe it’s been a playground disagreement, maybe the child’s being playing up in class, maybe there’s been a difficulty with their learning, maybe it’s been suspiciously adult-like completion of projects, maybe it’s generally parents taking matter into their own hands and in the process taking them out of their child’s.

I’ll restrain from going on too much of a rant, but here’s a Teachling Tip – Relax! Your kid’s going to turn out alright. Not only that, but they’ll actually be better off by you “cutting the cord” (or if that’s too much too soon, at least “slack the cord”). Giving them space to figure things out on their own and dare I say, make mistakes along the way, will teach them valuable lessons in building resilience, taking responsibility for their actions, their belongings, their relationships, their learning, and so on. If they have a problem, don’t solve it for them and certainly don’t make ityour problem. Guide them if you will, or completely step back. They’ll figure it out, trust them.

Children need to learn to take responsibility, as an essential step toward becoming effecting individuals and citizens. Given I teach first grade, examples of children that are yet to develop any sense of independence appear insignificant, but isn’t this the best time to change habits (after all, it’s much easier to change habits early, rather than try to break established habits later!). “Mum left my book bag at home” (um, no, it’s your book bag and you should be responsible for bringing it to school). “I just got back from the bathroom and I don’t know what to do” (well look around, every other student in the class is eating their lunch, what do you suppose you should do?). “I don’t have a chair to sit on” (there’s a two spare chairs at the table behind you, just pull one of them over). Maybe I’m expecting too much – they are 6 years old after all. But, put it all in a context where everything is done for them, they’re never held responsible for wrong-doing, someone is always there to protect them from failure, and you find yourself just a few years away from a child with serious independence issues. I mean this in the nicest way possible – A child needs to learn to fend for themselves.

Here’s another Teachling Tip – Start by making your child responsible for their ‘things’ and soon they’ll learn to take responsibility for many aspects of their lives and their independence will grow. For example, make them pack their own schoolbag, maybe even make their own lunch, carry their belongings to class, and more! What do you think? Am I expecting too much?

-Teachling
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Helicopter parenting is a popular blog post topic. Read more…
http://houstonfamilypsychology.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/the-impact-of-helicopter-parenting/ 
http://talktank.wordpress.com/2013/06/30/helicopter-parents-undermining-americas-future/
http://benoxley.wordpress.com/tag/helicopter-parents/
http://tomliberman.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/too-much-help-helicopter-parenting/
http://clouducation.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/how-helicopter-parents-are-created-by-schools/